Hi all!

First, I wanted to thank everyone for the immense support following my last post about my crazy few months resulting in a dream come true: getting a part dancing in the ensemble of the Radio City Christmas Spectacular! I am still so excited about and so grateful to all those who commented or emailed
The past two weeks have flown by so fast! We began rehearsals just two weeks ago today, and we’re already about to start tech rehearsals in the theater. Time flies when you’re having fun!

This experience has been surreal thus far. I can’t even express how much I’m enjoying it and how thankful I am to have this opportunity! The cast is amazing - the Rockettes, the actors, the singers, the other dancers in the ensemble with me, the directors, the musicians - everyone has such talent and energy and is working SO hard to put on a great show.

The show is not all ballet (obviously) so it’s pushing me way WAY beyond my comfort zone. Rehearsals have been a huge challenge, both in the actual choreography and in the learning process in general. They work very fast and are extremely focused on details (how else do the Rockettes look so perfect???). We dance a LOT throughout the whole hour and a half show, and remembering steps and spacing and counts is tough when you only go through it once and then leave it the next day to learn a whole new piece. Of course I’m used to this from ballet stuff, but this requires a different kind of effort that I wasn’t used to. And it’s also very different, in a good way, working for a union production rather than other experiences I’ve had.

We’ve been going 8 hours a day for 11 days of rehearsal in the studio, ending today with a full run through of the whole show in the studio. As for my roles…the first time I come on is during the Nutcracker scene (how appropriate ) where I am a “ballerina bear.” In their condensed version of Nutcracker, Clara dances with all of the traditional Act II divertissements but they are all dancing teddy bears! It’s funny. There are 3 of us who dance Sugar Plum on pointe (I’m in the middle, which is nice because, um, you’ll be able to tell which one is me under my bear head!). We did it in costume in the studio the other day and it’s so hard to dance with the bear head on. I have new respect for those theme park people who have to stay in character costumes all day long. Although they don’t do it on pointe! Haha. Well, I may be a bear but I’m center stage at Radio City Music Hall dancing Sugar Plum - what do I care if there’s a little added weight and impaired vision haha. No, it’s not so bad.

After that, we (the ensemble) come on as people on the streets of New York City before the Rockettes do their very cool number on the sightseeing tour bus. Then their “bus” stops in Central Park and we do a big partnering piece. It’s so fun, and my partner is great (he’s done the show for 5 years now!). After that comes my favorite scene of the show: the Santa number. (See a section of it here. Having technical difficulties embedding youtube clips so just click and watch). All of the Rockettes plus all of us dancers are dressed as Santa Clause and we do this very long, very aerobic dance as if we were clones of the real Santa. I can’t help but smile and nearly laugh every time we start this dance. It takes your breath away within the first minute and it’s a true adrenaline rush. By the end we’re as red as Santa’s suit but as jolly as ever!

The Rockettes dance some more following that, and then we return as Santa’s helpers in a scene called “Magic.” (Go about a minute into this video and we’re the people carrying the candy cane poles.) We all enter the North Pole as if it were a parade, and one other girl and I are wheeled in kicking and singing on this giant cart. Another moment you’ll actually be able to see me :). After this scene comes the finale where we stand and sing a bit (yes, sing! eek!) and then the famous Nativity Scene, where I am a shepherd, hehe. And finally, the curtain call, which is such a wonderful finish to a fabulous show.

I’ve loved every minute of rehearsals, hard as they may be, and I absolutely cannot wait to get onstage starting this weekend for tech rehearsals. Today we had a full run through of the show while the other cast watched, and it felt like a true performance even though there were only 50 or so audience members lining the studio mirrors. At the end, everyone stood up and was clapping wildly - both casts. It was this incredible moment of satisfaction and excitement and energy and gratitude and joy and teamwork. You give so much while dancing, and those moments of actual performance are sublime. Your mind goes blank and your body takes over and it’s pure movement and music radiating from inside.

But wow, that moment immediately when it’s over. Maybe it’s the adrenaline or the shakiness of muscle fatigue or the sake of being so very in the moment. But there is no feeling like that. Today I wanted to close my eyes and stop time and just savor those seconds of incredible happiness. I haven’t felt it like that in so long, if ever, to that extent. Nothing else but performance can do that, to me anyway.

The clatter of applause drowns out all noise and time freezes with a smile, and then the warmth of joy melts you back to reality. Fulfillment and emptiness coexist. You have everything and yet gave it all. A few minutes later that moment is gone, forever. Ephemeral. I can only imagine what it will be like experiencing this moment onstage at Radio City Music Hall with 6,000 people clapping. I can’t believe the best is yet to come.

More updates to come soon! More about the rehearsal process here. My show schedule here. Shows start November 7! Tickets here.

PS- to make up for the fact that I have yet to take any pictures of any of my experiences, I will face the embarrassment of this hilarious picture of me in front of Radio City when I was about 7 years old. Check out the bun right on TOP of my head. Glamorous